Reconnecting with God

These past 4 years, I have been fighting a battle in my head and my heart. Life has changed so drastically from what I imagined it would be like at this point. Mainly due to the loss of Mom. She was the center of our family, and the binding that kept us together and connected as a whole. Not to mention that I loved her dearly, and miss her everyday. Every time the kids are doing something adorable, loving or just plain cute, I think of how much she missed since her life was ended too soon to experience them. Now I'm just rambling, so I'll move on.

I've had many a conversation with God about Mom. Never questioning "why", just expressing my trouble in dealing with her absence. While I never got a divine message in a vision, or heard the voice of God speaking to me, I know He was always listening and comforting my heart.

In the past few months, I really felt a need to go back to church, which is obviously His plan. So, after some reluctance, I did go one Sunday. Took the kids. As the preacher was talking, I knew that God meant for me to hear those words. It was exactly what I needed, and it seemed as though the sermon was being told just for me. Who knows, maybe the sermon that everyone else there heard was not the same one that fell on my ears. What I know is this, God spoke to me that day, and the weight I had been carrying for the past several years got a little lighter.

Then, of course, life got in the way and I missed a few Sundays. The pull on my heart came again, and I knew not to ignore it. So, back to church I went. And again, God spoke to me, but not in the sermon this time. He chose to give me His message through a prayer for someone else. Yes, we were praying for someone else, but the message behind it was going straight to my heart. As I am sure it was meant to.

As the pain in my heart is slowly eased by Him, He is replacing it with the desire to learn, live and understand His Word. I have been drawn to read the Bible more, talk more to people about God, and to learn about what the Bible tells us. I also want to try harder to live a life according to His instruction.

The bottom line is, I have to accept that only He can give me the peace I am looking for. I cannot make it for myself. And I will find that peace only through Him and living the Word of God.

Gonna work on it.