Losing a loved one

They say that time heals all wounds, but if this is true, then why does my heart ache just as much, sometimes more than it did five years ago? Losing Mom was devastating for several reasons. The same reasons, I guess, that make it so hard to "move on" without her. She was my safety and security--my backup; She was my support and also my attitude adjustment (yes, even as an adult she would still set me straight). She was the matrix that bound us together. She was my confidant, and most importantly my best friend.
As I go on, I often compare my decisions, actions, parenting, etc. to what I think she would have done. I hope that I can and will be all that she was to me, especially in the eyes of my children.

I'm Back...Again!

After several long months away from blogging, not only here, but also on my other site, I have decided that Wordpress is, for my needs, just a bit less user friendly. Therefore; I have decided to come back to my Blogger site and get busy.
That said, here is an update on my personal situation. Eric and I are still happily married, for 8 1/2 years now. Both of our boys are doing great and growing up way too fast. Most of our life remains unchanged in general.
Eric is working on a streetrod for someone right now and will hopefully finish that project within the next couple months. He has been doing the body and paint, along with a few other changes on the truck, and it will be beautiful when he's finished. I will post a photo here on my site of the finished product. Keep your eyes open for it.
I continue to work my day job, and sell some AVON as well. I have recently entered into Leadership with my AVON business and have 1 recruit, and another to sign up in the next Campaign to bring my grand total to 2! Hopefully, this trend will continue and I can get my business rolling.
By the way, it's New Year's Eve, so I just want to wish everyone out there a HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I hope it brings you happiness and good health. I plan to set some healthy and attainable goals for the coming year, and hopefully at least a few of them will be met.

A New Blog

I have decided to try out Wordpress blogging. I added a link to my new site on the sidebar, so please visit my new blog, leave a comment, let me know what you think of it. I appreciate any input I can get. Which one do you like best, etc.

Thanks!

Tough Questions

There comes a time in every parent's life when their child asks a question that is very difficult to answer. I'm not referring to the ol' "Birds and Bees" conversation, either. I'm talking about the really difficult questions.

Chase has recently been asking me about his Granny (my late mom). He wants to know where she is, but is confused by the answers I give him. I try to explain that his Granny's soul is with the Angels, but her body is gone, and we visit her soul in the cemetery. This is a difficult concept even for me to accept, let alone a 5 year old. He asks me if she can see him. Hard to answer. Physically, no. But her soul watches over us everyday. Again, hard to understand for a kid.

I do my best to present it to him in a way he can understand. I guess for now, I'm just content that he thinks of her, even if he can't understand the circumstances yet.

Kindergarten Roundup

Last night we attended Kindergarten Roundup at Chase's elementary school. All went well, and rather quickly. Chase is excited to start big boy school in August. I am too, but at the same time, a little sad. My little boy is growing up. Next thing I know, he'll be in high school, then off to college. Lucas is too young for preschool, so it doesn't seem as eminent with him, yet. Parenting is so bittersweet, I always say.

Long Time, No See...

Have you missed me? It's been over a month since my last post. My, how time flies. Today is the first day of Spring. This is a huge Holiday on my calendar. The sun is shining and the promise of warm days, outdoor activities and a general uplift in mood are on the horizon. I can hardly contain my jubilation.

As next week is spring break, and my sitter is off, I will be home with the kiddos. I hope the weather is pleasant enough to have a few activities with them. I know Chase is especially excited to be home with Mom and Little Brother for a week.

I plan to spend some quality time with the boys while I'm home, but also put some effort into spring cleaning, and getting things cleared out for the neighborhood yard sale on Memorial Weekend. I'm really looking forward to the yard sale this year. We have lots of stuff to liquidate, and hopefully make some room in the ever-more-crowded house. It seems our "stuff" keeps getting more and more plentiful by the day. How does that happen? Nevermind. Anyway, I will be doing some major housecleaning next week, I hope.

HAPPY SPRING!!

Happy Valentines Day!

I know I'm a day early, but Happy Valentines Day anyway! I won't have the spare time to tell you that tomorrow. This year, my spouse and I have agreed not to get each other anything, as we are trying to pay off our bills and cut back on unneccesary spending. I hope he actually follows our agreement this year. Most years, he still gets me something, even when I say not to. We shall see!

Things have been extremely busy on the work front these days. We are implementing an EMR, and the first few weeks have been grueling! In the end, things will be much better, but for now... AAAAHHHHHH!!!!

Have a fabulous Valentines Day!!!

Stretchin' and Growin'

Today was Stretch-n-Grow day for me. I coached my class this morning and we had loads of fun! The kids really love it and they are learning their muscles very well. They are also improving their coordination and balance. I feel better after coaching the class. It gives me some much needed exercise, and a totally different environment for 30 minutes of the workday. I just wish more centers would be open to the concept here in our area. I guess that's where marketing and perserverance comes in to play.

The Winter Blahs

Officially, we are only beginning the winter season. Emotionally, I have had enough of this winter stuff and am ready for spring. Glorious spring! Warm air, sunshine, green grass, clothes hanging on the line. Ahhhh. It's amazing how much my spirits are lifted by the onset of spring. I am such a warm weather person.

I would love to take another trip to sunny Florida to visit my close friends, Mary Ann and Tom, in the spring again this year. Alas, it is not likely to happen this year. We are trying to eliminate our consumer debt as soon as possible, therefore many luxuries will have to wait for a year or two. But, in the end, the sacrifices will be well worth the rewards! It will be wonderful and liberating to be free of the bondage of debt. I am more excited about becoming debt-free, than I am willing to indulge myself in spurts of frivolous behavior. After we have paid our debts, the money we spend on recreation will actually be ours to spend, not money we owe others. Then, we will truly have something to celebrate!!

P.S. The Stretch-n-Grow business is for sale if anyone is interested!!

Day Two of the New Year

Well, I know it's early, but has anyone blown their resolution yet? Mine are such that it takes time to accomplish them, so I really can't mess them up this early. Bit I believe it is quite possible that I will in the future. Not being pessimistic, just realistic. I will try very hard, but I am only human.
Good Luck!!

Happy New Year

Welcome to 2008! I am happy to start a new year, with lots of goals and resolutions to work towards. I, like so many others, vow to lose weight this year. Also, we intend to get as much out of debt as humanly possible. I know those are the dreams of many these days, but I sincerely hope we can accomplish at least a portion of what we are striving for. I also hope for success for everyone else who has resolved to live a happier, healthier, more stable life this year.

What are some of your New Year's Resolutions? Anyone have something new to add to the list of things we want to improve?

Merry Christmas!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! I hope that everyone has a joyous and happy Christmas. I will be soaking up the love of my children, enjoying the company of the rest of my family and friends, and remembering my mom.

Miss Me?

Yes, it has been a while since my last post. I know, being busy is no excuse. We are all busy this time of year. Not only with Christmas preparations and parties, but also with year end deadlines and extra work.
It can all become overwhelming if we let it. As I always say, it's a matter of perspective. If I choose to let everything feel like a hassle and a burden to me, then I will get stressed out and inevitably cause myself to have another anxiety attack. But, should I choose to enjoy this once a year frivolity, count my blessings, love my family, and just be happy, then all is well.

On another note, Eric and I have been dreaming of a house that came up for sale in our neighborhood, and were told that they had an accepted offer. Then this morning, the realtor called to tell us that the deal was likely to fall through and the house would soon be back on the market. Now we are in a dilema. We just refinanced our house, and are basically at our limit with monthly payments. We would love to buy this other house, as it has lots of potential, but we would have to sell our house first. That may be difficult as we have not listed it for sale, and many houses these days stay on the market for years. If we tried to buy the house with the hope of selling ours, we may have a big problem if it takes any time at all to get ours sold. What to do, what to do... Any suggestions?

Winter...Brrrrrrr

It's that time of year again. It comes every year just like clockwork. WINTER. It's cold, it's dark, it's dreary, and usually it's wet.
YUK!

The Writing Game

Well, I haven't made much progress on my NaNoWriMo project. It seems, as usual, that the extra time to work on it escapes me. Every time I think I will have a chance to do some writing, something comes up. Not surprising with everything that is going on in my life, but the effect is still the same. No more words to add to my word count. I am now devastaingly behind with no opportunities in sight to recover. Oh well. Even if I don't finish it in a month, which is a daunting task in itself, I will have a decent start on it. Which is considerably more that I had before.

It's all a matter of perspective, as I always say. And today, my perspective is that I have a decent start to my novel, and I know when I do get a chance to write, the words seem to flow out of my mind freely. The story seems to unfold and write itself. That is encouraging.

Lots to do!

So, since it is now November, there will be more stuff to do than time in the day. Efficiency is the word of the day. Between birthdays and Thanksgiving, then Christmas, the days will be filled with stuff to do, places to go, and things to remember. I just hope I don't stop one day and think, "Am I supposed to be somewhere right now?", because I'm afraid I will forget something!

Chase is in preschool this year (September birthday) and they are having a pajama party tomorrow. He is so excited that he has actually packed a bag to take with him as if he were staying the night there! He has told everyone that he comes in contact with about the party, so look out if you call our house! He races me to the phone these days!!

Halloween is coming quickly!

Well, it is that time of year again! The kids are picking out who they want to be for Halloween. Parents are trying to find the costumes, buying candy, decorating the house and yard. Ah, the good ole days!
I remember getting so excited about Halloween when I was young. Now, I have to say, it is my least favorite holiday. I really don't like gross, icky, nasty stuff, and that seems to be what Halloween is for lots of adults. I don't like those movies, or anything related to yukky-ness.
So, needless to say, I will be relieved when this holiday is over. On to the next one, Thanksgiving. And honestly, who wouldn't enjoy a holiday that you just get together with people you care about, spend time, eat good food.
Then there is the famous Black Friday shopping the next morning to burn off all those extra calories you took in. I personally have never been able to go and partake in the frenzy, but I hear it can be very fun (if you don't take it too seriously). I have also heard stories of people getting in fist fights over toys (ridiculous! but possibly interesting to observe the behavior).
It's amazing how fast the year has passed by! I can hardly believe that Thursday will be November !! It seems the longer we're here, the faster time goes!

Finally, New photos of the kids!

Yes, it is long overdue! I finally got new professional pictures taken of the boys. They are very cute!! And I am not being at all prejudiced! We got a few indoor and a few outdoor photos taken. The photographer sent us home with a CD of the pictures to decide what we want to order. So anyone who is family or friends, and would like to see the pictures, send me an email and I'll get them to you.

November is National Novel Writing Month. NaNoWriMo, for short. There is a website to sign up, FREE of course, and people try to write a 50,000 word novel in the 30 days of November! It sounds like fun. I've never tried it before, but I am considering it this year. We'll see. If anyone else is interested in the writing frenzy, you can check it out at www.nanowrimo.org . If you decide to give it a try, I wish you the best of luck!

Reconnecting with God

These past 4 years, I have been fighting a battle in my head and my heart. Life has changed so drastically from what I imagined it would be like at this point. Mainly due to the loss of Mom. She was the center of our family, and the binding that kept us together and connected as a whole. Not to mention that I loved her dearly, and miss her everyday. Every time the kids are doing something adorable, loving or just plain cute, I think of how much she missed since her life was ended too soon to experience them. Now I'm just rambling, so I'll move on.

I've had many a conversation with God about Mom. Never questioning "why", just expressing my trouble in dealing with her absence. While I never got a divine message in a vision, or heard the voice of God speaking to me, I know He was always listening and comforting my heart.

In the past few months, I really felt a need to go back to church, which is obviously His plan. So, after some reluctance, I did go one Sunday. Took the kids. As the preacher was talking, I knew that God meant for me to hear those words. It was exactly what I needed, and it seemed as though the sermon was being told just for me. Who knows, maybe the sermon that everyone else there heard was not the same one that fell on my ears. What I know is this, God spoke to me that day, and the weight I had been carrying for the past several years got a little lighter.

Then, of course, life got in the way and I missed a few Sundays. The pull on my heart came again, and I knew not to ignore it. So, back to church I went. And again, God spoke to me, but not in the sermon this time. He chose to give me His message through a prayer for someone else. Yes, we were praying for someone else, but the message behind it was going straight to my heart. As I am sure it was meant to.

As the pain in my heart is slowly eased by Him, He is replacing it with the desire to learn, live and understand His Word. I have been drawn to read the Bible more, talk more to people about God, and to learn about what the Bible tells us. I also want to try harder to live a life according to His instruction.

The bottom line is, I have to accept that only He can give me the peace I am looking for. I cannot make it for myself. And I will find that peace only through Him and living the Word of God.

Gonna work on it.

Patience is a virtue

As we work to build our new Stretch-n -Grow business, we find that the old addage is true. Patience is indeed a virtue. We began regular weekly classes last month at our first school, and today we were informed that they will be discontinuing their participation temporarily. As their enrollment has dropped off since the start of school, their revenue has also dropped. They maintain that they love the program, and so do the kids; and they will resume as soon as they build their cashflow back up. It's sad for two reasons: 1. The kids there were just starting to get into the program and follow along well, and 2. That cuts out income for our business.

On the bright side, we will begin classes at a new school next week. This will be a parent paid program, so the money will be a little different. Potentially much better, but the risk of low enrollment is there, too. Which means low income since we will be paid by the parents for each child.

It takes time and money to start a new business. It also takes a bit of determination. I just hope we can keep ourselves optimistic during the slow times.